Sitting in bed, doing revision and eating fruit pastilles, waiting for the moment when I can throw of these shackles and get back to how life should be. Yesterday was one of those days which despite a load of shit happening, was still an amazing day. Once these exams are over, every day can be like that: unexpected little things which just make you smile and feel good inside. Got a few tough anniversaries coming up in the next month, but with that pain, comes the power for renewed life and love. This year is already a good year, long may that last!
=]
About that Penny Farthing you wanted… ;D
“Turmoil accompanies every great change.” — I don’t know who said it originally, but I heard it from Craig.
Craig sucks hairy Jamaican balls.
Molly is lush.
This time tomorrow I’ll be in NY… except I won’t be… because at 6:15pm on 22nd August, I’ll still be in a plane over the Atlantic Ocean… but next time I LOOK at a clcok and it says 6:15pm I’ll be in NY having just landed?
My flight takes off at 2pm GMT and arrives at 11pm GMT… so my flight is 9hrs… but I land at 6pm… so my flight is 4hrs… oh wait no… time difference… my flight is 6.5hrs… WTF?!?!
One day I’ll learn not to date my best friends. It never ends well. Not that this ended badly. It just ended. And that’s bad enough. Not one single aspect of my life has gone unchanged by the fact that he’s not a part of my life any more. Well… maybe the grades I get tomorrow won’t be affected by it, but what I do because of those grades has already been changed, not strictly because of him, but because of what he’s made me realised is important in life. Friends and family and happiness.
Now I’m just coping. You know, one foot in front of the other kinda’ stuff. It’s not as hard as I thought, it’s just that every single part of my life reminds me of him:the hoodie on my bed, the belt holding up my jeans, the draw in the freezer full of his food, the guitar he taught me on, the space where my other guitar and amp used to be before he got them, the texts on my phone, the knitting in the corner, the photos on my camera, the memories in my mind. Perhaps the hardest thing is seeing people who’ve been by my side through everything, who have finally seen me happy for the first time in years, and to have to tell them it’s over, to see their faces drop makes my heart break all over again. And in my dreams, it’s like someone hasn’t told my unconscious mind it’s over, scenes play out in my sleep that used to happen when I was awake; I wake and smile and reach for my phone in the dark and my hand freezes halfway across the distance as it all comes flooding back and I remember he’s not mine to remind any more.
But life goes on, and I’m smiling, I’m not happy, but I’m smiling, and that’s the first step towards being happy. Smile and people will smile with you. Be happy and people will be happy with you.
“… sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together”
=]
“You can’t shake hands with your fists clenched.”
“Those that say there’s nothing to fear but fear itself has never had four missed calls from their mother.”
“If only for a second, stop and appreciate the fact that you’re alive.”