17th August
One day I’ll learn not to date my best friends. It never ends well. Not that this ended badly. It just ended. And that’s bad enough. Not one single aspect of my life has gone unchanged by the fact that he’s not a part of my life any more. Well… maybe the grades I get tomorrow won’t be affected by it, but what I do because of those grades has already been changed, not strictly because of him, but because of what he’s made me realised is important in life. Friends and family and happiness.
Now I’m just coping. You know, one foot in front of the other kinda’ stuff. It’s not as hard as I thought, it’s just that every single part of my life reminds me of him:the hoodie on my bed, the belt holding up my jeans, the draw in the freezer full of his food, the guitar he taught me on, the space where my other guitar and amp used to be before he got them, the texts on my phone, the knitting in the corner, the photos on my camera, the memories in my mind. Perhaps the hardest thing is seeing people who’ve been by my side through everything, who have finally seen me happy for the first time in years, and to have to tell them it’s over, to see their faces drop makes my heart break all over again. And in my dreams, it’s like someone hasn’t told my unconscious mind it’s over, scenes play out in my sleep that used to happen when I was awake; I wake and smile and reach for my phone in the dark and my hand freezes halfway across the distance as it all comes flooding back and I remember he’s not mine to remind any more.
But life goes on, and I’m smiling, I’m not happy, but I’m smiling, and that’s the first step towards being happy. Smile and people will smile with you. Be happy and people will be happy with you.
“… sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together”
=]
